BEFORE I begin my article, I would like to say that marriage is important. The issue I will shortly discuss is whether women should get married for the sake of getting married or should we aim for some standards and carefully choose the right person. Unfortunately, there are women in our society and also families who still push their sisters and daughters to get married before they turn 30. This is because they want to avoid the social stigma associated with remaining single. It is totally unacceptable for a woman in 2017 to get married just to avoid being unfairly and illogically judged by society.
Let me begin with the woman first since she is the most important person in this process. If she accepts a marriage proposal from a person just to avoid being called a spinster, I guarantee that she will consequently be treated badly by Mr. Wrong. Mr. Wrong could easily turn her life into hell. This is because unworthy and unsuitable men usually abuse the power given to them by our male-dominated society.
I must, however, be clear. Such women cannot blame anyone but themselves for blindly accepting men with poor morals, ethics and personalities. I know many women who are beautiful, educated and have careers. They, however, are insecure because they see themselves less than those women who have husbands. I have seen some of these women before and after they met Mr. Wrong. I saw how miserable they had become.
It is only later that such a woman realizes how happy she was before she got married. It is true that by getting married she was able to silence people. Society stopped calling her a spinster. Though she may have got married and satisfied society, which only cares about how people look from the outside but never ever cares about how they feel, the question remains whether she had satisfied herself. Had Mr. Wrong been able to meet her expectations? Of course he had not.
Let us now discuss families who force their sisters and daughters to get married for the very same reason. I assume that you care about your daughter or sister more than you care about the illogical assumptions of members of the public because, at the end of the day, your female relatives are your responsibility; you will be asked in detail about how you treated them on the Day of Judgment. Please relax, as you will not be asked about how well you have obeyed society.
Islam explicitly instructs men not to force female relatives to marry. A condition for a legitimate marriage in Islam is that women must fully consent to their marriages and their prospective partners otherwise the marriage is considered to be null and void. On the other hand, you will be greatly rewarded if you treat your womenfolk well and do not force them to get married.
If you are normal, I believe you would develop a guilty conscience if you were to see a member of your family with Mr. Wrong. This would be especially so if you were responsible for arranging for that marriage. As a result, you would either get your sister or daughter back within a few months and she would be divorced, which is not something viewed favorably by society. In that case, bad luck for not achieving your lifelong mission of satisfying society.
Alternatively, she could remain with Mr. Wrong and continue to suffer. This would give rise to different marriage problems from time to time and a life of misery. However, I expect that you would also be involved in these issues (since you are her sponsor).
The institution of marriage is important for the development of individuals and society. However, women and their families need to be extremely selective when it comes to choosing soul mates. They need to be Mr. Right not Mr. Wrong. Do not ever accept anyone just to please society. Society is full of naïve people who accept living in a hell and they want you to join them in it. Society will never experience your misery or happiness. Staying single is better than getting married to Mr. Wrong. Aspire for happiness rather than satisfying people.
Hanan Alnufaie
