Saudi Gazette

How do you react when someone pushes you by mistake?

What is your response when your sibling plays with your favorite toy, but ends up breaking it?

How do you react when you feel something is unfair?

What do you do when your mom has cooked veggies, but not your favorite meal?

Do you throw tantrums? Do you get angry, upset or start crying? Do you become mean to whoever has upset you? Do you stop to wonder if any of this can solve your problems?

If not, then what do you think is the right way to deal with these situations?

There is always another way to deal with problems. It is called ‘Conflict Resolution’.

Try to think and figure things out so that everyone gets a fair chance and something of what they want. You need to think about four things for conflict resolution:

• Understand: Try to understand the problem. Understand what everyone and you need. Listen without interruption, and try to put yourself in that person’s place.

• Avoid making things worse: Do not scream, shout, fight or hit anyone. Stay calm without passing any mean remarks to anyone. Don’t tell out their secrets and judge them without even listening to them.

• Work together: Take turns in speaking. Keep your voice low and speak how you actually felt without blaming anyone. Use “I got hurt” or “I got upset”. Listen to the other person carefully by looking at them, and repeating what you heard. Say yes or no, or make listening noises like uh, eh, huh etc.

• Find the solution: Once everyone is done speaking; it is time to find the solution to fix the problem. If it was a toy that was broken; a conclusion could be that accident happens and dad can get you a new one, or take mine until you get a new one. Think of as many conclusion as you can even if they sound silly at first. Just write them all down and pick one which is fair to both sides. However, sometimes it is the not the case, and one side has to accept which is in favor of the other side.

In the end when a solution has been picked, it is up to both sides to act on it. If you cannot reach a solution ask an adult to solve the problem with you, or go through the whole process again.

Conflict resolution needs a tough heart and mind. It is not easy as it requires full involvement of everyone.

Parents, teachers, counselors, and older siblings can help you in learning the skills of conflict resolution so that you can become a more strong, confident, responsible and independent person.