By Amal Al-Sibai
As a girl growing up in a Middle Eastern, Muslim family, I was lucky that my parents raised me with an Islamic ideology and not a cultural one.
Discrimination against women is cultural but it is mistakenly blamed on Islam by those who do not have a sound understanding of the religion.
To generalize that an entire culture is prejudiced against women is a mistake; in every culture there are some people who are prejudiced and those who are not. We can only attempt to expose the cultural practices that are offensive to women. We need to learn to differentiate between what some parents do because their parents and grandparents had done that before them, and what Islam has taught us.
In some cultures, gender inequality starts even at birth. Some families are jubilant when a son is born but not so happy when a girl is born.
When I was born after my sister, some relatives called my father to offer their condolences rather than to congratulate him. They told him not to be sad that he had a second daughter and that they would pray for him to have a son.
My father’s response was that he was ecstatic, that I was a gift from Allah and that he would have been no less happy even if I was the tenth daughter, and he named me Amal, hope.
Islam came as a shining light to eradicate the ignorant cultural practices that were rampant in Arabia at the time of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), such as burying newborn baby girls alive.
Revelation from Allah came down in defense of the baby girls who were cruelly killed.
{And when one of them is informed of [the birth of] a female, his face becomes dark, and he suppresses grief. He hides himself from the people because of the ill of which he has been informed. Should he keep it in humiliation or bury it in the ground? Unquestionably, evil is what they decide.} (Chapter 16, verse 58-59)
Having daughters brings joy, love, laughter, and affection to the home and it brings immense rewards in Islam to the parents who treat their girls with gentleness and kindness and teach them well.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever has three daughters [or two daughters] and lives along with them in a good manner, and has patience with them, and fears Allah with regard to them will enter Paradise.” (Abu Dawood, At-Tirmidhi)
In some cultures, girls are not encouraged to go to school. Even worse, in some cultures girls are banned from going to school. Again, this injustice is the result of culture not religion.
Islam gives girls and women their rights to education. Islamic societies have produced a large number of outstanding female scholars.
In his essay on the role of women in teaching an important branch of the Islamic sciences, which is the Hadith or the sayings and traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Dr. Muhammad Zubayr Siddiqi wrote, “Since Islam’s earliest days, women took a prominent part in the preservation and cultivation of Hadith, and this function continued down the centuries.”
At every period in Muslim history, there lived numerous eminent women scholars of Hadith, treated by men and women with reverence and respect.
Many women not only learned the Hadith but they transmitted it to others.
After the Prophet’s death, many women companions, particularly his wives, were looked upon as vital sources of knowledge, and were approached for instruction by the other companions, to whom they readily dispensed the rich store which they had gathered in the Prophet’s company. The names of Hafsah, Umm Habibah, Maymunah, Umm Salamah, and Aishah, are familiar to every student of Hadith as being among its earliest and most distinguished transmitters. Aishah is one of the most important figures in the history of Hadith literature and jurisprudence.
My father stressed the importance of education for all of us, three girls and two boys.
Forced marriage is another injustice perpetrated against young women, which is impermissible in Islam. Studying the life of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) shows that it was not allowed to just marry off a woman without her consent and approval.
The father or guardian should not give a virgin or a previously married woman in marriage except with the woman’s consent. The guardian should not seek a marriage for his own interests or monetary gain. The marriage should only take place if the woman finds the man to be agreeable, compatible, and suitable to her. Any gifts from the husband-to-be are to be given to her and her only; not for her guardian or family.
Early scholars such as Shaykh Ibn Taymiyah commented that Allah has revealed to the Prophet (peace be upon him) in the Holy Qur’an that in marriage there should be love, compassion, and mercy between the two spouses, so how can this be attained if the woman hates the husband or she was forced into marrying him?
Unfortunately forced marriage still occurs in many cultures, but I was lucky that my father had learned about what Islam has to say about it. I never feared speaking my opinion. I let my father know loud and clear when I wanted to refuse certain marriage proposals. But when another young, educated, handsome man asked for my hand in marriage, I agreed, and now, eighteen years and three children later, we are still happily married.
Again, the hijab is viewed by some as oppressive. But if you were to ask a Muslim woman, she would tell you that she willingly wears the hijab in adherence to her faith and to please Allah. It was our next-door neighbor who inspired me to wear the hijab; she explained to me the purpose of wearing it in Islam.
As for the color, that is cultural because Islam does not require women to wear only black. When I first started wearing the hijab, my father bought me a blue abaya and my mother gave me a white scarf.
Some people use the inheritance laws to criticize Islam. Without having substantial knowledge of the depth of inheritance laws, people simply quote only one portion of the verse in the Qur’an, {for the male what is equal to the share of two females} (Chapter 4, verse 11)
First of all, the rule of inheriting what is equal to half a male’s share is not an invariable rule in all cases that pertain to women. There are different cases where males and females take an equal share.
For instance, both the father and mother take the same share of their son’s inheritance. Also, the share of the brother and the sister when a man or woman leaves neither ascendants nor descendants, both the sister and brother would take one sixth.
The difference in the inheritance between men and women is not meant to establish superiority of men over women. This share was determined according to the responsibilities and economic burdens that each one of them has to shoulder.
The man has full responsibility to provide for his family. It is his obligation, not the woman’s, to financially support his family: his wife, children, sisters, and his parents. A man has to provide for his family with a house, food, drink, clothing, and other needs such as medication, education, and means of recreation, but women are not bound by such responsibilities.
Differences of financial responsibilities lead to differences in inheritance shares. The fact that men are obliged to abide by their responsibilities is why Islamic laws prescribe for a woman what is equal to half a man’s share.
It saddens us to see our parents grow old. My father’s black hair has turned to grey, the skin around his hazel eyes wrinkle when he smiles, but he is healthy. He spoke to me once about inheritance. He said that he wants his wealth to be distributed according to Islamic law. As for one-third of his wealth which a Muslim is allowed to distribute as he wishes, he wants it to be given to charity and part of it to my brother who has physical disabilities. My father asked me if I felt that was fair. With tears streaming down my face, I prayed for him and my mom to live a long life of good health, faith, and happiness.
We hear many stories of women who were deprived of their rights to inheritance; this goes against the teachings of Islam.
When fighting for women’s rights, it is often cultural practices that we need to discuss rather than attack the religion.
