BEFORE the reader throws up his hands to say: “Oh, one more article on this elusive topic of happiness”, let me comfort him by saying that I am only presenting one point of view on achieving happiness and since there are many different kinds of people in this world, there are as many ways of achieving happiness.
We all pursue happiness in life and go about it in different ways. Each one is endowed with different gifts from Allah, such as wealth, home, family, nationality, upbringing, genetic makeup, health, strength, beauty and so on. We all harness these assets in order to achieve what we think will make us happy.
Many prefer to just be happy with what they have and in order to realize this happiness, look down upon those who are less fortunate than them financially, socially, culturally, etc. This is our “ego” which is a false image of ourselves and when our ego clashes with the ego of others, it gives rise to many problems. I don’t think looking down on others and pitying them and thus gloating on one’s well-being is a sensible way of being happy because not only is it short-lived, but unknowingly you are consenting to be unhappy as soon as you meet a person who is better off than you.
However, it is important to realize that since a large number of people go hungry, are homeless and are exploited in many ways, we should not take our assets for granted and should thank Allah for bestowing these gifts upon us and thus achieve happiness with our gratitude.
Happiness is a state of mind and if one decides to be happy, he will be so, irrespective of his condition. If you were told today that a thousand riyals is the maximum you can expect for a job, you would be happy to receive it until you met a colleague of yours doing the same job, who receives two thousand riyals. True happiness is achieved by enriching yourself rather than appreciating momentary achievements and a truly enriched person, who has developed himself in many fields, such as education, music, arts, work experience, human relations etc., is far more stable, balanced and happier than an unaccomplished person in terms of human development.
A large number of people, especially women, are motivated by (and look for) approval, acceptance and popularity in order to be happy. Their behavior depends on what people or society praises them for and they continue to oblige others for their approval in order to remain happy. Individuals or corporations will only praise you for those things which are beneficial to them or for what they have been conditioned to value. For example, some people will appreciate the money you have, others will appreciate the size and quality of your house, and yet others will appreciate the fame which you have earned. Society will praise you for those things which are beneficial for it, such as hard work, honesty, heroic deeds, etc., but while it is good to work for the general good, one should not stop pursuing one’s own interests in order to be happy.
Problems arise when the interests of society clash with your personal interests and that is when you have to choose between the two. If writing is your passion, then you have to decide whether you want to pursue it professionally with its meager returns or take up your family business with its high returns which will earn you the appreciation and respect of your family and friends.
One thing which makes us miserable in life is the lack of acceptance of our situation. We all have desires and plans but when things do not occur according to our expectations, we can either accept the situation and start working toward a solution or be in a “denial” mode in which we do not accept reality and become miserable as a result.
A balanced life is what makes a person happy in nearly all circumstances and he is able to deal with crises more effectively than those who are developed in only one field, such as making money, physical strength or a particular occupational skill. By balanced, I mean the development of abilities, such as earning money, protecting oneself and one’s family and using this money or other assets to enjoy life and thus enriching oneself. The development of one’s abilities guided by concern and love for others is what I would term a balanced and a good life.
Apart from the assets which one has, what does one truly perceive as happiness or at least satisfaction in life? Since we do not have control over the assets with which life has presented us, such as our genetic makeup, our environment, family, nationality, etc., we have to make the best use of what we have in order to be happy. Sadly, one of the main causes of unhappiness is determining one’s self-worth by comparison with others. Every human being is unique and one cannot compare the performance of one with another, especially when the parameters and end points of performance are not determined. We usually compare ourselves with others in terms of achievements, money, home, etc., but are not aware of how happy a person is. What really seems to be a factor of happiness is the effort people make to develop themselves with all the assets at their disposal which will ultimately give them happiness.
If an individual feels that he has tried his best in employing all his assets to the best of his abilities in developing himself or dealing with problems, then surely he is at peace and hence happy, even though he may appear to be a failure to the world. A person who can make a small hut in the face of a storm to protect his family will be far happier than a rich man who has simply inherited his house. Similarly, a person who has fractured his leg will be very happy to take that first step, after six months in bed, and would be foolish to compare himself to an Olympic runner in such a situation. Each one has to assess his assets, put them to the best possible use and decide for himself whether he has done his best or not.
Winston Churchill once said: “One makes a living by what he gets, but makes a life by what he gives”. We continuously give to our parents, siblings, children, friends, relatives, society, the poor and needy and especially to those who cannot ask for favors. While giving, two things are important: the thing which we give should be good enough and it should be relevant to the other person in order to become a part of his life, thereby validating the giver. If we give simple things such as a small amount of money, a cup of tea, a pen, or a book, it will give us a small amount of satisfaction and happiness. If on the other hand, we were to take an interest in another person, study his lifestyle, his problems and then give him something worthy and appropriate without expecting anything in return, then this is true, meaningful charity. The giver gains by passing a part of his personality to another being; thereby achieving some amount of immortality, in the sense that, he lives through another person. This gives a tremendous amount of satisfaction and true happiness to the giver besides earning the pleasure of Allah.
If one thinks only of himself and is unconnected to anyone in this world, then he perceives the gain of others as his loss and vice versa. Such people are regarded as selfish and generally are not happy in spite of having things in plenty. Being connected with others, having empathy for them and sharing their happiness and pain is what makes us truly human and it is this attitude of sharing and connectedness which makes us happy.
For some of us, work is merely an occupation to earn money while for others it is a profession to be pursued for self-realization and self-actualization. While performing any work, some people get so involved in it that they become one with their work and such states have been described as “flow states”, which give immense happiness and joy to a person.
Many people fill their lives with a lot of clutter which occupies their minds and leisure time so much so that they do not face their desires, longings, dreams and problems. Such people excessively socialize, excessively network via social media, excessively watch TV, gossip, immerse themselves in work, continuously play games on mobiles, etc. Such people are not likely to be happy because they do not want to face their personal problems and only take urgent steps to salvage emergency situations whenever they arise. One should spend time with oneself, be aware of one’s own needs, capacities, priorities, longings, short- and long-term plans, etc. in order to develop and enrich oneself which leads to happiness.
If one really wants to be happy then he has to concentrate on being happy. This statement may sound odd but most of us concentrate so much on our problems and the pain arising thereof that we sometimes simply disregard occasions of happiness. We all have problems in life but if we look for occasions of happiness and pursue them, then we are likely to be more happy and enriched. There is a story of a man who, while being chased by a bear in a forest, slips and falls into a well, but is able to grasp a branch and hang on to it. There is a bear above, waiting for him to come out of the well and a crocodile below who is waiting for him to fall. Caught in this precarious situation, he feels a sweet liquid falling on his face, coming from a beehive above, which the bear has upset. He begins to enjoy the honey which raises his spirits and then is able to shout for help which he ultimately gets from his friends. We should be able to pursue enjoyment and happiness like this man who enjoys the honey while hanging from the branch in the well.
In conclusion, I would like to say that if a man concentrates on his life, that is, his assets, abilities, desires, longings, etc. and employs them to solve his problems in order to develop himself and then tries to pass himself on to others by “giving” what is good and relevant, then he is likely to be a happy person. He should concentrate only on his efforts to do his best and try not to pre-determine results, because the final results are beyond our control and do not give us as much happiness as the efforts which we have made to achieve them.
Shabbir Thingna,
Madinah
