Amal Al-Sibai

Saudi Gazette

 

Of course you are concerned about how your child’s school day went: her progress, how well she is getting along with friends in school, and if anything is bothering her.



Welcome to the club! You are a parent; you care too much, you worry all the time, you want to fix any problem your kids may come across.



You need to give yourself a mental reminder to set your fears and worries aside when your child arrives home from school.



Greet her with a smile and a tight hug; not by hovering over her with an interrogation that even surpasses the questioning techniques used by CIA agents.



Say, “Welcome home, I missed you” before you ask, “What did you get on your math test? Did you behave in school?”



Being away from home for almost 8 hours for a kid is quite long and can leave her feeling emotionally and physically drained.



Let her unwind. Give her space to say whatever she has on her mind or nothing at all. Offer a tasty snack like strawberries, cookies and milk, honey on toast, or fruit yogurt.



Once she has relaxed, you can start asking. Ask the right questions that do not make her feel cornered, as a suspect sitting in the interrogation chair. Ask open questions that allow her to elaborate and that make her excited to share with you a part of her day.



1. What was the best part of your day?



This question teaches her to look for the positive in her day, even if it was really a rough day for her. You will be surprised at what made the best of your child’s day.



Children are not complicated like we have grown to become. Sharing a piece of cake with a friend or hearing “Good job” from a teacher or finding a stray cat in the school yard may be reasons for a young kid’s happiness.



2. What was the worst part of your day?



The answer to this question will give you insight into any existing and recurring problems. It could be a bully or difficulty with division in math.



Whatever it is, your child will open up once she feels it is safe to talk, without risking being chastised.



And then the two of you together can brainstorm ways that may help her sort out her problem.



3. Who did you have lunch with today?



Making friends is an important milestone for a child to develop his/her social skills. Through interaction with kids their age, they learn about different cultures, sharing, empathy, caring, and every once in a while putting the needs of others ahead of their own.



Show interest in your child’s tales of who she ate lunch with and who she played with.



4. Were your classes easy or hard today?



The best way to gauge your child’s academic progress in school is not the grade on the monthly report card, but actually by asking your child if she thinks she has understood her lessons fairly well.



Many parents make the mistake of assuming that their child’s strengths and weaknesses in school will be exactly the same as their own when they were students.



That is not the case; you may pass on your curly hair or eye color to your child, but not necessarily your preference for school subjects.



A father who was a natural math whiz in school may have a daughter who hates math and is struggling with fractions, but has an amazing gift for creative writing.



The purpose of this question is to pinpoint the subjects that your child needs help in.



With a question phrased this way, it is less likely that the child will feel pressured. Many kids do not directly ask for help so by finding out which lessons she thought were difficult, you may find a way to help her.



5. How was your teacher today?



Encourage a relationship of respect but also fondness between your child and her teacher. Kids should feel that they can speak up, but never in a rude way.



Some schools even pass out anonymous surveys to the students, just to evaluate if the students understand the lessons taught in class.

 

6. Who did you play with during recess today?



This question is actually a lot of questions disguised as one. It can reveal some aspects about your child’s behavior in school that she was probably trying to hide.



Her answer could shed light on her ability to interact with other children, follow rules, and which friends she likes to hang out with (especially if you know some of the children in her class).



Listen to this scenario for example between a boy and his mom.



Mom: Who did you play with during recess today?



Ahmad: Well, I didn’t play outside during recess today.



Mom: Oh? Why not?



Ahmad: My teacher got mad at me for pushing Mazin, so she didn’t let me go out for recess.



Mom: You must have been upset that you had to spend your recess in class, but why did you push Mazin?



Ahmad: He took my new eraser, the one I like a lot, the one that looks like a car. I told him to give it back, but he wouldn’t listen, so I pushed him.



Mom: That’s why your teacher didn’t let you go out for recess, huh?



Ahmad: Yeah. I guess I should have asked my teacher to tell Mazin to give me back my eraser. Next time I won’t push him.



Through open dialogue, Ahmad did not feel under attack, so he did not go into defensive mode.



By replaying what happened at school and expressing it in his own words, without his mother making judgments or scolding, he actually learned from his own mistake and reached a reasonable solution: that he should not push his friend.



7. What are you looking forward to at school tomorrow?



Do not downplay the benefits of having fun at school. Foster a love for school. There is so much your child could be excited about: friends, a field trip, picture day, a school play, sports, or a poetry or Holy Qur’an recital that she is participating in.



Let your child talk about the fun stuff too, and not just the serious studying stuff. This question may also serve as a great way to remind your child of work that needs to be done.



Sometimes the child or the teacher forgets to make a note of homework or an upcoming quiz or spelling test.



So this question may spark the child’s memory of some important school work that needs to be completed.



This question, to a child’s ear, sounds much better than, “What homework do you have?”

The more involved parents are with their children’s lives, the more likely the children are to be well-prepared and successful in school and elsewhere.



And for some parents, we may need to slightly shift our approach from being the watchful over-protective hawk, to being the affectionate, caring cat