Saudi women seek out men with loyalty and integrity
HANAN works as an administrator at a girls’ school in Al-Khobar. Nearly a decade ago, she was struggling to find a job and provide for her family after her father, the family’s sole breadwinner, died.
Desperate, the Saudi woman approached a male cousin who held a senior management position at a large company for help to find a job so she could provide for her disabled mother, two young sisters and a brother. Although she literally begged him to help, he never delivered on his empty promises.
Hanan received help from an unlikely quarter: her late father’s friend who lived nearby and happened to work for the Ministry of Education. He stood by her family and helped Hanan find a job in the ministry.
Ever since that incident, Hanan said the way she views men has changed. What does manhood mean and how do women view it? Al-Riyadh daily posed this question to the general public and the answers showed a strong preference for loyalty and values.
“I learned that men should be judged based on the way they behave, not on the fact they are men. I assumed that my cousin would stand by me and help because he was an influential person but his words meant nothing and the actions of my father’s friend did,” Hanan recalled.
Sharifah is a mother of four. She said she judges manhood by how strongly a man abides by his principles and whether or not he reneges on any promises he makes.
“Any woman wants her husband to be that man who will remain by her side through thick and thin, especially when she feels weak or suffers from a health problem,” she said.
“Manhood means a man should act magnanimously toward women and never give up his role as a man.”
Ghayda B, a college student, said many Saudi men often shirk their responsibilities and never stand by women when the latter needs them.
“A woman definitely loves to get attached emotionally to a man who proves to her that she can lean on him when she needs to, whether this man is her brother, father, son, or even husband. This is real manhood,” she said.
Raida Al-Saad, a housewife, said manhood for her means a man’s ability to stand by his loved ones. She recalled a story of a cousin who married a woman after a lengthy courtship. One year into the marriage, the woman became permanently disabled and she had to use a wheelchair to get around. The first thing her cousin did was to distance himself from his wife before eventually divorcing her a few months later.
“My cousin proved he was not man enough to help his wife and stand by her. At the first problem they faced as a couple, he crumbled and ran away,” she said.
According to Dr. Abdulghani Al-Harbi, assistant professor of sociology at Umm Al-Qura University, society judges manhood based on certain values, the most important of which is how helpful a man is to others, especially women. Many members of the public judge a man based on his attitude or his way of handling a certain situation.
“I think some people get confused about the meaning of manhood. It is not fair to criticize a man and question his manhood just because he refused to help you. Perhaps the man cannot help or believes he should not help. He might be viewing the situation from a different perspective,” he said.
