Samar Al-Mogren
SEVERAL years ago when the so-called misyar marriage became popular among unmarried women, I was totally against it. I used to despise those women who opted for such a marriage that serves the interests of men to fulfill their lust.
I have expressed my opinion about misyar (a form of legal marriage in which both men and women agree to give up several rights) in those years but now my views have changed. However, there is no fundamental change in my principled stand on this marriage. I would no longer despise women in misyar relationships but instead now I look at them with sympathy.
I sympathize with every misyar woman who adopted the system because of her difficult circumstances. Woman in our country will not be able to live without a man, not because she needs someone to fulfill her emotional needs but because she needs a male guardian or a bodyguard.
A Saudi woman needs a male guardian to look after her affairs in this country. This means a woman here would not reach maturity that makes her capable of looking after her affairs, safeguard her interests and take own decisions. So a male guardian is required at all agencies to represent her. The male guardian will have the authority to take care of the affairs of “this minor” until death.
Some women are forced to accept the idea of misyar to have a male guardian in a society where most laws do not support her. In most cases custody laws will be in favor of men even if she is not married again. What will be the situation if she had married? Some adopts misyar secretly fearing she would lose her rights.
If the law had allowed women to lead an independent life without a “bodyguard” most women would have rejected misyar as an option and they would have lived a decent life, managing their affairs efficiently and confronting those institutions that refuse to deal with them without a male guardian.
The most surprising argument is that misyar is allowed for the protection of women, as if they were involved in sex scandals and required someone to cover them up. This brings to my mind the primitive idea that “woman is a disgrace,” which has been repeated again and again by some people, drawing bitter criticisms in social media forums.
I believe that this idea has become embedded in Saudi society, which sees women as a shame that cannot be avoided except by marriage or death. This mindset will remain as long as the country’s laws support it. Woman will not be able to approach any government department without a male guardian, cannot travel abroad without his permission, cannot apply for a passport without him, cannot rent a house except in his name. I can give a long list.
If we assume that some women do not need all these procedures. Even so, they are forced to live under the whims and fancies of the male guardian. So we cannot blame the woman who has decided to adopt misyar as a last resort. On the other hand, we should blame the laws and regulations that forced her into such a filthy life in the name of legitimacy.
