Nawar Fakhry Ezzi
Endings and new beginnings usually provide some people with a sense of closure and a hope for a “fresh start,” which could give them the necessary motivation to change and develop. As the Hijri year is coming to an end and we get prepared to welcoming a new one, many people may experience such a moment in their lives. Although New Year’s resolutions are not very common in our culture as it is the case in the West, many of us still at least assess and reflect upon their accomplishments and mistakes during the past year while hoping for a better year where they can do better. This can be considered a positive step toward self-development, which is necessary for our evolution and growth as human beings. However, aspiring to improve ourselves because we think we are not “good enough” is completely different from self-development and ambition accompanied with content with who we are and what we have. Unfortunately, there is an overabundance of books and seminars about self-development, but there is not enough focus on the person’s motivation, which should be love, content and ambition.
Being contented and ambitious might seem counterintuitive at first, but they actually complement each other. Contentment is a state of mind or even a spiritual feeling that makes people at peace with themselves and everything around them. It is not about being defeated or weak and accepting whatever life throws at them, but it is rather about being proactive in doing everything they can to change for the better while making peace with the result they get. On the other hand, attempts of self-development that are based on feeling of unworthiness or an urge to strive for an absolutely “perfect” life through accumulating many “absolutes,” such as “success” and “beauty” in order to attain the ultimate “absolute happiness” usually lead to further frustration and discouragement.
A major problem with chasing “absolutes” is that to begin with there is nothing “absolute,” in this life at least, and the adjectives that follow it are subjective concepts that are difficult to define. One could venture to say that seeking “absolutes” in our lives in addition to numerous other factors has contributed to the rise in divorce rates, cosmetic plastic surgery, and depression rates in Saudi Arabia as well as in many other parts of the world.
Furthermore, according to many psychologists, there is no such thing as ‘absolute happiness’ because it is a short-lasting, superficial feeling that is usually triggered by an external factor. The psychologist and marital counselor, Dr. Haifa Ezzi, found in a study she conducted that permanent “happiness” can only be achieved in heaven because this means that it should not involve any sadness or dissatisfaction while there is no such thing in our lives because even in our happiest moments, we can be facing a minor discomfort, which contradicts the very definition of “absolute happiness.” Thus, what people should aim for instead is joy and contentment, which is a long lasting inner-based state of mind that the person can learn to control. It can be concluded then that as a result of the peace that people would experience, they would be better equipped to accept the things they cannot change and find the courage to face the challenges they face in life to overcome them including seeking professional help if needed.
“Absolutely perfect” human beings leading “absolutely perfect” lives do not exist. Even God does not expect us to be perfect worshipers and this is why there is mercy, forgiveness, and repentance. It is normal to feel self-doubt or a feeling of not being “good enough” sometimes, but these feeling could only be moments in our lives not a state of mind that control our actions. As the new year approaches, let your content shine your path of ambition and development toward the best life you can live.
The writer can be reached at nawar81@hotmail.com
