By Hanan Alnufaie
A DEEP-SEATED belief in our society has been inherited over generations. That belief has been negatively affecting and ruining the male mindset and that of women as well. Older generations used to manage to live with it, but now it is time to change it. We must redefine our concept of “manhood”.
Traditionally and culturally, part of manhood is suppressing women, not allowing them to study or work in the profession they are interested in, if that profession is not socially welcomed.
Take, for example, a woman who wants to work as a doctor, nurse, or in any other profession that requires mixing with men or traveling to attend conferences. In this case, there are two options: her close male relatives – father, brother, husband - disagree because they think of it as an injury to their inflated ego. They grew up hearing that real men do not support their female relatives.
The other option is that the close male relatives of the woman support and motivate her and that will lead to them being socially cursed for something they should feel proud of.
This will result in other relatives going to them, hinting in all possible ways that they are not real mean. Unfortunately, manhood is mainly about keeping your mother, sisters, wife and daughters invisible and unseen.
Some people use social media to popularize this idea. They make immensely popular hashtags such as: Can you allow your wife to be a doctor? How can you marry a nurse? And the list goes on. Apparently, these are yes-no questions; however, what they are really doing is attempting to belittle any man who encourages his female relatives to find their place in the world.
We have even reached the stage where disappointingly large numbers of young men refuse to get married to women who are ambitiously studying medicine, dentistry, nursing and law. Why is this? It is because they want to prove to society that they are real men. And surely real men do not allow their female relatives to be recognized.
Now, it is my turn to add to this debate.
I do not need to provide facts and studies from books on psychology, because what I’m going to say is entirely reasonable and eminently logical. I totally believe that a strong man will support those around him including women because strong men invariably encourage others to be strong, as well. He will not be threatened because he is secure in himself.
Contrary to popular belief, an unsupportive man is decidedly weak because he is insecure in himself. He surely will be unhappy seeing his wife or sister climbing up the education or career ladder, because to him these women are second-class human beings. So, how can they be more productive?
Believe it or not, a weak man will do whatever it takes to make those around him weaker and weaker. The best and easiest way to satisfy his ego is by oppressing women and feeling superior to them. And why not act this way, if it is, lamentably, welcomed by society?
Another common interrelated belief in our society is that if a man is a source of strength and motivation to his female relatives, it means that he is useless and does not want to pay for their needs. I will respond by asking a question: do you think a useless man would be able to help bring anyone up including himself? Of course not. Supporting female relatives requires strength, power, confidence and deep faith in that woman and her capabilities.
We must change our definition of manhood. The real man is absolutely not the man with a demanding voice who deprives his female relatives of their basic rights. The real man is the man who supports his female relatives and does not leave them to fight alone in their life journey. Part of manhood is to treat women well and part of that is to push them forward not backward. That is a real man!
