Saman Ali

Saudi Gazette

JEDDAH — Being a teenager in recent years is stressful and challenging with the proliferation of social media websites like Facebook, Twitter among others.



According to a survey conducted in Saudi Arabia, 63 percent of teenagers do not use Facebook for any educational purposes — a disturbing scenario.

Fadia comes homes, turns on her laptop and logs onto Facebook; a daily ritual which she enjoyed till that particular Sunday.



She was shocked to see plenty of hate messages from a classmate on her timeline; the posts asked her to kill herself as no one likes her in class or school bus anymore. Miserable Fadia was too scared to confide in her mom or older sister.



Next morning, Fadia’s ride to school is long and painful; she can feel everyone’s stare on her; in class, too, her classmates give her nasty looks. One look at the Math’s test paper makes Fadia blank, she can’t remember or concentrate on any thing.



This is what her classmates had planned, they did not want Fadia to concentrate on her test. She had become a victim of cyber bullying who needed her parents, teachers and friends help.



Sara is an intelligent and attractive girl, but she is shy and has few friends who like her. As Sarah goes through her Facebook newsfeed, she finds a video uploaded by so-called eighth grade “hotties.” Out of curiosity, she hits the play button and the screen comes to life with two smartly dressed girls reading out names of the girls from “Who is hot” list. One of the girls make fun of all those who have not made it to their “hot” list.



Sarah is embarrassed about her name not being on the list and she is terrified because all her friends would soon discover about it.



Anything intended to hurt others, such as verbal abuse, gossip or other actions that can cause mental or emotional harm is bullying. It can lead to social isolation, bringing more misery to the victim. According to Debra Peplar, a distinguished research professor at York University, “Bullying is not an expected part of anyone’s childhood.”



Unfortunately parents, teachers and adults rarely intervene to help. In Canada alone, over a million children are victims of cyber or class bullying once a week, out of which half a million report once a week and the remaining quietly suffer.



According to Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, on an average nine percent of girls and 17 percent of boys are involved in bullying every week in schools.



But one academic institution in the Eastern province of Saudi Arabia says that girls bully more on social networking sites and in schools here.



Bullies form a network at school and children outside this network become their target. Most bullies suffer from low esteem and are loners by nature.



They are driven by their desire for power. They can be impulsive in behavior, may have bad temper and enjoy to subdue others — and enjoy when others fears them. They are smart enough to select and target who are not very popular in school.



Aliya, a student at an international school in Al-Khobar, is bullied by two girls in her class. They once pulled her chair during class and made Aliya fall on the floor. They throw paper balls, spread rumors about her and enjoy when no one talks to Aliya during lunch break.



Aliya confides in her older sister who talks to the principal. The girls are then taken to task by the principal, having learned their lesson both girls apologize to Aliya; she forgives them and they all become good friends.



Intervention by parents, adults and teachers is very important in such cases.



Family background plays a vital role behind the child’s behavior. Some of them become bullies when their actions are not monitored by their parents or other adults at home whereas some are deprived of love and warmth. Others are victims of physical punishment at home or rigid discipline.



Sometimes bullies do not even have feelings for their siblings.



Researchers in Europe, who conducted brain scan study, suggested that parts of bullies’ brains that allows them to self regulate their emotions were inactive.



In schools character development should be given importance by teachers. Efforts should be made to build strong, caring relationships with students.

Every student should feel safe, respected and connected to each other. Teachers should remind students to be able to give back to their communities.



Parents should develop a close relationship with their children. They should monitor what their children are doing on the Internet.

The US National Best Seller 2013, “Sticks and Stones” by Emily Bazelon is about how to defeat the culture of bullying and rediscover the power of character and empathy.



Sally Turki, the owner of Dhahran Ahliya Schools and a pioneer in education in Saudi Arabia, said: “Bullying happens everywhere in the world and just like other kinds of oppression has to be fought constantly. 



“The biggest problem is that most people take bullying behavior as normal and do not even consider stopping it, even though it can have lifetime effects on the personalities of both the bully and the bullied. 



Recognizing its importance, we have translated two books about bullying and they are available through Dar Al Kitab.”



Victims of bullying are prone to eating disorders, suicidal tendencies and psychosomatic behavior. They need help from family, friends and school management.



Stand up for your child and help him through this phase. Staying silent about it might ruin his/her future. Every child deserves to be confident and respected.