Marriage is one of the most critical decisions a person can make. It not only affects one’s life with a partner, but the consequences include families and children, for what may last a lifetime. You might listen to the advice of others, follow rules and regulations, but ultimately it is up to your heart and mind.

Should anyone have the final say on whom you choose as your partner for life? Many GCC nationals face this question every day. An unjustifiable sense of superiority makes it difficult for the sons and daughters of prominent tribes and families, and even superior branches of such tribes and families, to marry from outside their tribe. In some cases, a girl cannot marry anyone unless her first cousin agrees to release his hold on her!

Added to this traditional problem is a more contemporary one. In the past, it was acceptable to marry from appropriate Arab tribes and families, as long as they were deemed equal. Today, we have the issue of nationality to deal with. A GCC national needs a hard-to-get government approval to marry a foreigner. This definition includes Arabs and non-Arabs, Muslims and non-Muslims.

Is it any surprise, then, that an alarming percentage of our young women pass into their thirties without being married? Is it surprising that we suffer from a high rate of divorce? Not to mention the great many unhappy marriages. Forced marriages, limited choices and family interference all add up to oceans of broken hearts.

Here’s an example. Please read the lines and between the lines of the email I received from an intellectual young woman with a heart full of challenged love and a mind overloaded with confusion. She speaks for many young women who worked hard and received a top Western education and then were faced with the most reactionary and backward of rules and traditions.

“I am a young GCC woman, currently studying politics in a European country. As you are probably aware, it is almost impossible for a woman of GCC nationality to marry a foreigner without facing problems from family, society and the law.

“Although I am still young, I have met someone whom I believe is a good person in heart. Unfortunately, he has an Arab but not a GCC passport.

“I doubt that the law will change, especially with regard to the idea of women passing on their nationality to their children. What makes things worse is that my father seems to agree with these laws, to my surprise, since I thought he would be more accepting.

“I know that I am still of a young age, and that I might meet someone else, but what if this is not the case? I know him well enough to know that there is no doubt of his kindness and almost flawless personality, but what will become of me if I chose to leave everything and be with him? Other than the fact that my father does not agree with the notion, the law makes things even more difficult. Furthermore, I will probably find it difficult to receive support from my mother since my father disapproves. And this is despite the fact that my mother herself is a foreigner.

“I am constantly confused and torn between the requirements of stability and the calls of the heart. I certainly care about the future of my children, and know that there is a chance that they might have a difficult life.

“I do not want to go against my parents’ wishes. But do you think any of this is right? Considering that he might be the best man I will ever meet and is someone who will make me happy, does it make it okay to fight for our relationship?

“My parents’ opinion may not be the right one, since there is no good reason to disapprove of him other than our different nationalities, but wouldn’t going against their wishes make me a bad person? And even if they do become convinced in time, is it worth the risk of having an unstable future?

“It may seem like a long shot, but this kind of situation is the very reason I decided to become involved in politics. Although it may seem naive, I try to dream big, but things don’t always work out for the best.

“Anyway, in terms of my problem, what do you think I should do?”

I wrote back to her:

“Dear Sister,

“I went through the same situation once. My love was not Saudi and the laws would not allow me to marry her. I worked hard to get the needed permission and married her. I never regretted my decision.

“I strongly believe that marriage is a personal choice. I don’t know much about the person of your choice, and cannot help you there. But I do know that if you really know you are right ... then fight.

“May Allah choose the best for you, sister, and give you strength and guidance.”

That was my opinion dear readers, what is yours? What would you do if this young woman was your daughter?

— Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be reached at kbatarfi@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter: @kbatarfi