#Mended_Minds

By Sohoub Baghdadi “America needs to understand Islam because this is the one religion that erases from its society the race problem. Throughout my travels in the Muslim world, I have met, talked to, even eaten with people who in America would have been considered ‘white,’ but the ‘white’ attitude had been removed from their minds by the religion of Islam”. Malcolm X. When asking a person “The Question” Are you racist? Their answer would be “absolutely not”, but that is not necessarily true. A person could say something while thinking of the complete opposite that is because racism is an Ideology which is learned, taught, and practiced. I was not sure which story to begin with so I am telling you the most horrible thing that happened to me. In 2010, I took my first steps on the land of free, I was a novice 20 years old girl who used to live by “voir la vie en rose”, certainly, that did not last for long as I have been called several names except my real one. Astonishingly, people could be so creative in terms of hurting each other. “Towelhead” is my all-time favorite. I did not mind being called names because I knew that I looked different from the outside also I was certain that I had a beautiful heart that absolutely flourishes with love for others. Until Sept. 17, 2011 when I was rushed to the biggest and most prestigious hospital in Chicago. I was going through preterm labor — about 35 weeks pregnant — while I suffered throughout my whole pregnancy from several complications. I was thankful that my doctor was going to be there for me on the next shift. During the first shift, I met a nurse who was very nice, her middle name was Moon, I thought things were going to turn out just fine. Until the next 8 hours of terror began. It all started when the next nurse came into my room introducing herself very nicely to me, she went out to bring in some warm bed sheets for me but when she entered the room she spotted my husband praying, I would never forget the look on her face, her whole face changed while she started to look, talk, and treat me differently. In fact, she was not treating me in a cold way, she was secretly abusing me, starting with mental and verbal abuse. After a bit, she took that to a whole new level of ’physical abuse’! I remember when she tried to make me feel bad about my body by saying, “I have never seen a belly like this, it just looks so weird, there must be something wrong with her,” she said that while trying to explain to the midwife the reason why she was not able to place the monitor properly. I know it was not my fault that I came in with a big belly — pregnant — but I also knew she was so disgusted to touch me. Sometimes she was disgusted by me to the point she had to say “Ewww” while touching me. I truly believe she was aware that I speak and understand English too well so she had to make sure I hear such remarks every five minutes. She was so smart while playing her games on me as well on my husband, that even when I tried so many times to explain my discontent to him he would not believe me because she used to smile at him all the time and while he was asleep or out of the room she switched back to her normal self. So, I had a hard time making my other half, believe me, it was such a horrible feeling when you know that you are alone. Eventually, he believed me when he walked into the room and spotted me crying and begging her while she was taking my pressure. I was begging her repeatedly to stop for a second because she took my pressure four times in row nonstop. My husband had to tell her to stop for a while and she replied to him “she is just too sensitive because she is pregnant” I did not mind all of that until I saw my dear doctor’s face and of course the nurse started the same games on her too, she was pretending to be supportive by saying “good job” the whole time and patting my shoulder, “you are amazing” I knew she meant the opposite. Later, I had my preemie baby girl and I did not have the chance to touch her, I was dying to finally hold her in my arms while the nurse was privileged to touch her first. I was afraid that she might hurt my baby the same way she was hurting me the whole time and that is why my husband and I decided not to tell anyone because we were thinking about our daughter’s safety. Funny thing, she told me “stalker, you are a stalker” just because I was longing for my baby and dreaming of looking in her eyes. The worst was yet to come, another nurse came in to help my nurse performing exams on my baby, she introduced herself to me then said “congrats, that’s a cute baby” after that, I heard both of them laughing then my nurse said while talking to the other nurse “you know sometimes you have to tell people that their baby is cute, you just have to”, the new nurse said: “Yes, absolutely right, you have to”, then my nurse said: “That baby is ugly, ugly, it is so ugly”. Her last words broke my heart because I was dreaming of this moment for 8 months and I was totally blessed that she was healthy after suffering from complications throughout my pregnancy. At last, she asked me to stand up on my feet while being paralyzed entirely, so I told her: “I cannot stand up, I had an epidural”, to that she replied, “I know, but I cannot carry you as you are too heavy for me” so I was forced to try and of course I fell off the high bed. Luckily, my husband grabbed me from my back few seconds before my face hit the floor, my husband had to carry my numbed body from the floor all by himself and for sure she stood up there watching us struggle. Plus, she knew I am a Muslim but she did not bother covering my shoulders, hair, thighs, or chest and when I asked her to cover me she threw another gown on me which was useless. We took the elevator to a different floor where we met another nurse who told my nurse “Why she’s not wearing her gown, you did not tie it” my nurse pretended to fix it. This ugly baby girl has parents who would throw themselves in front of a train for her, and this ugly baby aspires to be a scientist, she is smart, compassionate, and funny. Today, I am so glad she told me that she was ugly, so that would be a reminder to raise my child on seeking her inner beauty instead of making her the next toddler and tiara’s beauty queen. During my six bittersweet years in the US, I have witnessed and experienced numerous types of discrimination including color, sex, language, religion, social status, and origin. My birth story by far was the worst situation I have ever been in. Dear Sara, I remember when you first walked into my room, I was thinking “wow this woman looks so wonderful, that short ash brown hair, petite body” you were beautiful from the outside. Six years have passed now, I wish you have become beautiful from the inside as well, I still have dreams about you every now and then, I guess I will never forget but I chose to forgive you a long time ago. Today, when I think of what happened to us at that prestigious hospital I wish I was older or wiser, I also know I was mistaken when I gave up my rights as a patient and a human being.